Different Programming

People with ADD take 10 times as long as others to learn a habit and one-tenth the time to forget it. Well ain't that the truth!

My Life Parter

I think Stephen Anfield (ADDistractions blogger) said it best when he was quoted in the latest ADDitudes magazine. He stated "ADHD is, unfortunately, my life partner. For years, I could never find the right word or phrase to describe this relationship. If I had to put a label on it, though, I'd say, "it's complicated." Thanks, Facebook." SO true!

Time

Why is it that as you get older, your life seems to go into a time warp and you lose track of it so quickly? With that, it seems to become so easy to lose touch with the people who were once so dear to your heart? Our lives seem to move so quickly that we get pushed onto a different road without ever realizing we left a part of the original road behind.

I found out this week that one of my best friends...no; my best friend from childhood - the very first sister I never had - lost her husband 6 months ago.  He was her true love and was always so good to her.  It was one of those freak medical things that just couldn't have been predicted.  But he was so young, and she's just as young, and neither one of them deserved it...not that anyone ever does.  She is such a wonderful person and it just breaks my heart that she's lost him. She has picked up and seems to be doing as well as can be expected, taking things day by day, but my heart is just broken for her.  I'm broken hearted because she's lost him, but I'm also broken hearted because I didn't know and didn't immediately offer to be there for her.  We lost touch several years ago after my wedding.  We spoke about 4 years ago by phone, and that was the last time.  Her birthday passed recently, and God tugged on my heart a little and told me to look her up, which is when I found out about this.  We've since spoken through email, but I still feel terrible.

Of course, nothing can change what has happened, or the fact that I couldn't be there right away.  But, we can change things moving forward.  However, the emotions I'm feeling right now are just one piece of my ADHD that I have to be watchful of.  If I don't pay attention, this will consume me for several days and I'll become an emotional mess. Tossing it here will help me get it out, and help me balance out my focus.  I'll still be sad, but not like I would have been if I didn't find an avenue to get some of this out of my head.

My husband has been incredible lately - he gives me the impression that he's really trying to understand a little more and that he realizes it's important for us to team up and work with ADHD, and that we can't work against it.  It's easier for me to stay focused when he is supportive.  Yes, I get flighty and forgetful - that will never change.  But recouperating becomes much easier when I know he will at least try to understand.

On another note, my other best friend - my twin separated at birth - will be free from "jail" in less than one month!  Very long story, but I'm so very proud of her, and can't wait until we can talk every day again!!!  Almost there!  Maybe I'll blog more about that another time.  

Coming Out

I think I'm realizing that opening up about my ADD is going to be something pretty positive for me.  Without opening up about it, I neglect to face it.  In turn, this means that I do nothing to deal with it.  There are a wealth of resources out there that have amazed me just in the last few days.  I've subscribed to ADDitude magazine which will start coming soon.  With that, I've used their website to find several great online resources including support groups which have really helped me to feel that I'm not crazy, and I'm not alone.  It's very easy to get frustrated and feel as though no one else understands when someone gets angry at you for something as simple as not picking up the laundry on the floor that you keep saying you will.  I've also been able to find some great humor which has helped me laugh at myself when I've needed it in the last week.  Sometimes just being able to laugh at yourself really helps.  It's tough when my husband asks me why, once again, I've forgotten my keys after going back into the house for the 3rd time to get them, and all I can respond with is "I don't know."  He doesn't understand, and sometimes I don't either.  I also bought a few books in the last week that are designed to be easy reads for people with ADD.  The reviews were great and so far they seem to be good, so we'll see how this goes.  One step at a time....  I also added a new white board to our home office just for myself.  It's a 3-in-one board with a perpetual calendar, space for notes, and a cork board.  This helps me in work, so I'm going to bring that same process home.

And with that, I had the ADD mother's dream experience today.  My husband and I hosted our son's 6th birthday party today.  It was the first time one of the kids had a 'friend' party....8 boys all in the 1st and second grade expected to listen and behave while playing laser tag, bowling, and eating birthday cake....yeah right!!  Needless to say, after 2 hours of what felt like slow torture, I think we've sworn off 'friend' parties for awhile!  Now I know why we always had family parties when I was growing up!  I need a big drink!  BUT...we had fun, and my son enjoyed his party, so that's what matters most.  But yes, I think we might be going with family parties for a little while.....  Note: I say this NOW!

So here we go...

...I've said, I don't know how many times, that I wanted to start blogging.  However, I could never figure out about what, how often to keep up, etc.  I'm guessing that I'm like many moms out there who work full-time - feeling as though we're pulled in 20 different directions all at the same time, and every single person pulling on you needs you just as much as the next.  Sometimes it has its rewards, but often it can be pretty darn overwhelming.  To add to this fact, I've got something new under my belt that I'm sharing here in "public" for the first time.  I was diagnosed with ADHD about 2 years ago...maybe 3?  You'd think I'd know being that it was a monumental moment!  But I guess it's just one example of how I'd forget my head every day if it weren't attached to my body!  Some days I'm lucky I can remember my own name, let alone remember why I got up and walked into a room for something!  The more often those forgetful moments occur, the more frustrated I become.  So, I've decided to make this blog a place in which it's okay for me to do just that - forget why I'm here.  I don't need a theme, a reason, a goal....  If I want to blow off steam, I will.  If I want to drop a quote or a joke, I will.  This is a place that I want it to be okay for me to feel like a complete moron and talk about all those crummy little things that ADHD invokes and causes me to feel like an idiot!  So here's my disclaimer - this is my blog, and this is me, and these are the thoughts in my head.  This is a place where it's okay for me to appear selfish, or self-centered.  If you can't understand that my dumping it here may often be a safety so that I don't dump it where I'd really like to, then you're reading the wrong blog.    There could be a great deal of education for all of us here, myself included.  If you have no desire to learn what it's like to wear what feels like a million different hats every day while the Tasmanian Devil continues to toss things around in your head, you're reading the wrong blog.  I'll delete your criticism and I'll ignore your disapproval and analysis of my words.  If you're here, you know why I'm here, or you're willing to learn.  And, if you continue to stay, it shows me that, at the very least, you're trying to understand.